GLASTONBURY TOR HIT BY TRAFFIC CONE PRANK!!!
WELCOME TO….
READ BETWEEN THE LEY LINES
The only newspaper brave, curious, or foolish enough to investigate the stories behind the stories.
Most newspapers report what happened.
We report why.
Issue One • Solstice Morning Special Edition
Exclusive Investigation by The Grove Gang
GLASTONBURY, ON THE AVALON BORDERLANDS —
Residents awoke this Solstice morning to discover something nobody was prepared to explain.
Perched proudly atop Glastonbury Tor, where the ancient tower should have stood, sat an enormous orange-and-white traffic cone.
Not beside the tower.
Not near the tower.
Instead of the tower.
Witnesses reported confusion, disbelief, and in one case a complete inability to stop laughing for forty-three minutes.
Rumours immediately spread.
Aliens.
Druids.
Government testing.
Tourists.
The Moon.
A squirrel cult.
One particularly enthusiastic gentleman insisted the cone was “clearly a message from Atlantis.”
Unfortunately he later admitted he had spent the previous evening watching an alien disclosure documentary while consuming what he described as “a spiritually educational quantity of brownies.”
As Mercury Retrograde was in full effect, every camera, phone, crystal recorder and enchanted kettle within five miles mysteriously failed.
No evidence existed.
Only questions.
And one extremely large traffic cone.
THE INVESTIGATION BEGINS
The first reporters on scene were, naturally, The Grove Gang.
By mid-morning, Avalon’s finest investigators had assembled beneath the Tor.
Bran the Sassy arrived first.
The ancient oak stared upward for a long moment.
Then dropped an acorn.
“Well,” he sighed.
“That’s new.”
Willow the Wise studied the cone quietly.
“It feels deliberate.”
“Most crimes usually are,” Bran replied.
Nearby, Lyra-9 projected three-dimensional diagrams of the cone.
“I have completed seventeen thousand calculations.”
“And?” asked Bran.
“I have absolutely no idea what happened.”
The gathered crowd groaned.
THE LEY LINES HAVE VANISHED
Normally, when something ridiculous happened in Avalon, the answer could be found by asking the Ley Lines.
Unfortunately...
The Ley Lines were missing.
Gone.
Vanished.
Nowhere.
Several druids reported hearing suspicious giggling beneath the earth shortly before dawn.
After that?
Nothing.
Even more suspicious was testimony from a network of local squirrels known collectively as The Acorn Intelligence Agency.
Their leader, Nutkins “The Informant” McFluff, provided the following statement:
“Saw glowing lines. Saw dragon. Saw cone.
Then everyone started laughing.
That’s all I’m saying.”
When asked for additional details, he demanded six hazelnuts and legal immunity.
PRIME SUSPECT: ALIENS
The alien theory briefly gained traction after a crop-circle enthusiast claimed to have seen mysterious lights over the Tor.
However, Lyra-9 quickly determined the lights were actually Pan (the local Faun God) attempting to juggle enchanted glowsticks while playing three flutes simultaneously.
The alien theory was therefore downgraded from:
“Possible”
to
“Pan Again.”
PRIME SUSPECT: THE LEY LINES
Myrddyn appeared around lunchtime.
Nobody saw him arrive.
He was simply suddenly sitting on a nearby wall drinking tea.
“Do you know who did this?” asked Lyra-9.
Myrddyn smiled.
“A cone is merely a tower that has remembered how to be funny.”
Silence.
Bran groaned.
“That’s not an answer.”
“It wasn’t a question.”
“That’s not how questions work.”
“Isn’t it?”
Myrddyn sipped tea.
Nobody got anything useful out of him after that.
BREAKTHROUGH IN THE CASE
The first genuine clue emerged when Singe, Flame of Truth, inspected the summit.
The tiny flame flickered blue.
Then gold.
Then bright orange.
“Dragon smoke.”
The crowd froze.
“You’re sure?” asked Willow.
“Absolutely.”
Singe crackled.
“Someone breathed reality sideways.”
Now everyone froze.
Because there was only one being in Avalon known for accidentally breathing reality sideways.
One dragon.
One.
Brimstone Bob.
THE HUNT FOR BOB
Reporters immediately travelled to The Grove.
No Bob.
The Cauldron.
No Bob.
Avebury.
No Bob.
Stonehenge.
No Bob.
A suspiciously smoky cloud over Wales.
Still no Bob.
Then, just before sunset, a breakthrough arrived.
A family of crows reported seeing a large red dragon flying south during the night.
Not blue.
Not navy.
Red.
Carrying something enormous.
Something cone-shaped.
And laughing.
THE RED DRAGON MYSTERY
This created a new problem.
Brimstone Bob wasn’t red.
Everyone knew that.
Bob’s scales were navy blue.
Case closed?
Not quite.
Because Willow remembered something.
“Solstice.”
Bran looked up.
“Oh no.”
Lyra-9’s eyes flashed.
“Oh no.”
Every Solstice, Avalon becomes slightly more magical than usual.
And every Solstice, the Ley Lines become significantly less responsible than usual.
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED
At precisely midnight, according to evidence gathered from squirrel testimony, crow reports, residual dragon smoke, and one deeply embarrassed moonbeam...
The Ley Lines stole a traffic cone.
A very large traffic cone.
Then they found Brimstone Bob.
Bob was peacefully asleep.
Unfortunately.
The Ley Lines love Bob. Most of Avalon knows this.
And the Ley Lines had an idea.
A terrible idea.
The best kind.
They flooded Bob’s dreams with visions of heroic dragon quests.
Ancient prophecies.
Mystical missions.
Great destinies.
And one very important instruction:
“The Tower has become too serious.
Replace it with something sacred.”
Still half asleep, Bob agreed.
The Ley Lines then painted his scales bright red using pure Solstice magic.
They handed him the cone.
Opened a portal.
And pointed toward Glastonbury Tor.
Bob, believing himself to be on a legendary quest to restore cosmic balance, flew directly to the summit.
Upon arrival he removed the tower.
Very carefully.
Placed it temporarily inside a pocket dimension.
Then installed the cone.
Stepped back.
Admired his work.
And declared:
“Yeah...
That’s probably funnier.”
The Ley Lines immediately lost control of themselves.
Witnesses later described the ground itself laughing.
THE FINAL TWIST
When reporters finally located Bob late this afternoon, he appeared genuinely confused.
“You did WHAT?” shouted Bran.
Bob blinked.
“I did?”
Lyra-9 projected evidence.
Bob watched.
Slowly.
Very slowly.
Then buried his face in his claws.
“Ohhhh, maaaate.”
The dragon sat silently for several moments.
Finally he looked up.
“To be fair...”
Everyone waited.
“...it does improve the skyline.”
Nobody could argue.
OFFICIAL STATEMENT
As of publication, the tower has been safely recovered from the pocket dimension and is expected to be returned sometime after the Ley Lines stop laughing.
Experts estimate this may take anywhere between three days and three centuries.
The traffic cone remains in place.
Tourists have already begun leaving offerings.
Most are smaller traffic cones.
READ BETWEEN THE LEY LINES VERDICT
WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE?
Direct perpetrator: Brimstone Bob
Masterminds: The Ley Lines
Accomplices: Several squirrels
Possible accessory: Mercury Retrograde
Aliens: Probably not
Pan: Somehow involved anyway…
